the knowledge that men will likely harm me

I’ve been living in France. What a dream. Until one of the friends I made turned on me. He found me in a disadvantaged state one evening and he drugged me. He kept feeding me drinks and roofied me. I woke up the next morning naked, unsure where I was. I cried for days. It’s influenced my life here; what was a supposed to be a fun, adventurous life! It has forced me to reflect on all the times I was assaulted as a teenager and young adult. The more time that has passed the more not ok I’ve been. I’ve lost all sense of self. I can’t appreciate where I am and the places I visit. I used to go out all the time by myself, and now I just sit at home or when I do go out I leave after ten minutes. I can’t fathom being alone anymore. I used to be so self assured, so confident. I now leave the house with a knife and the knowledge that men will likely harm me. I realize what I went through as teenager was more serious than I led on. I realize now what I’m going through will change the rest of my life.